To Love and to Cherish Read online

  She was unmoved. “I can’t accept that. I would feel like an outsider asking permission to see what was my own. I wouldn’t know what was happening with my investment. This is all the money I have. If I lose it, I’ll be a prisoner for the rest of my life.” Her agitation was growing. She spoke as though to herself, “I was so sure this was the answer.”

  “It can be. It’s a safe investment. Herefords are nearly as indestructible as longhorns, which is why I was surprised Mr. Spencer turned down my request for a loan.”

  “If I didn’t know it was impossible, I’d believe Norman knew I was going to approach you and turned you down just so I could fail and remain under his control.”

  That didn’t make any sense to him, but he could see Laurie was upset. He could also see that the money he needed was about to disappear. “You’d be welcome to come out to the ranch at any time. If you’d prefer, I could go into town once a week to tell you what we’re doing. If you had any questions, you could come see for yourself. Or you could ask someone you trust to come in your stead.”

  “You don’t understand. I want to do this. I don’t want to be told by you or anyone else.” She started to rise.

  “Don’t go.” He had to do something to make her stay, something to keep her from withholding her money. If he changed his mind and said she could have a full partnership for the same money, she wouldn’t trust him. She’d probably believe he would treat her like her husband had. He had to find some way for her to believe that she was paying for her share of the partnership. Only one solution came to mind.

  “You can have a full partnership if you’ll cook and clean for us.”

  Three

  Jared knew immediately he’d said the wrong thing. “Our cook is so bad we can hardly eat anything he fixes. My nephew was complaining about him just before you came.” He had to try harder, because she wasn’t looking any happier. “The army taught me to be neat and organized, but I don’t have the time to keep the house clean. I tried to arrange for one of the wives from Fort Verde to help, but no one would do it.”

  “And you think I would?”

  How did he say he wasn’t suggesting anything improper without putting it into words? “As a full partner, it would be in your best interest to make sure your investment was being properly managed and your workers well cared for.”

  Her smile was cynical. “Very cleverly stated, but what you’re proposing is to turn me into a drudge.”

  “Do you cook for yourself, clean your own house?”

  “Of course I do, but I don’t live I-don’t-know-how-many miles from town without a woman or relative around. My reputation would be ruined. I’m surprised you didn’t know that’s why no army wife would take your job.”

  He did, but he’d hoped the hardships of living in the West would knock some sense into the outdated social customs of the East. They’d managed it in Texas. Why not Arizona?

  Laurie got to her feet. “Thank you for talking to me and answering my questions so frankly. I regret we couldn’t reach an agreement.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely. I hope you find some way to purchase your Herefords. They sound like the best stock for this range.”

  Jared wanted to keep arguing, but he could tell Laurie had made up her mind. It was still possible he might come up with a solution, but it wouldn’t be today. Yet he was encouraged by the fact that she’d offered the money and was unhappy that it hadn’t worked out as she’d hoped. She wanted the partnership. He just had to find a way to make it acceptable to her.

  On the other hand, maybe it was best things hadn’t worked out. He would have done his best to control his urges, but being around Laurie for hours at a time would have put a severe strain on him. Even now he could practically feel her full breasts in his hands, imagine how it would be to kiss that lush mouth, to sink into her body with—

  He had to stop before he embarrassed himself in front of her, which would guarantee that she’d never set foot on the ranch again.

  “I’m sorry we couldn’t reach an agreement, but I’ll try to think of a way we can work together. I hope you will, too.”

  “My terms won’t change.”

  Her brother-in-law ought to give her a job in the bank. She was a tough negotiator.

  He followed her out and helped her into her buggy. As he watched her drive away, he owned he’d do whatever was necessary to make this partnership a reality. Laurie Spencer was simmering with untapped passion. She’d been kept under such tight restraint she probably didn’t realize it herself. He needed her money to stock his ranch, but she needed him to bring her back to life.

  Still, he wasn’t going to give his ranch away. It was all he and Steve owned in the world. If she wanted a partnership, she would have to pay for it one way or the other.

  ***

  Laurie had suffered many disappointments in life, some of tragic proportions, so she wasn’t prepared to find herself so frustrated that her proposed partnership with Jared Smith hadn’t worked out. She couldn’t think of any other way she could invest her money, certainly not one where she could keep the origin of the money secret. And she needed to do that, she thought, as she remembered how she had gotten the money.

  Everything had been in chaos the night Naomi shot the man who’d killed their grandfather. On one hand, the men were trying to sort out what happened and figure out how to keep the army from punishing them for killing one of their soldiers. On the other hand, they were trying to keep the women and children from knowing what had taken place. Everyone was focused on Naomi and the two dead men, which left Laurie and Sibyl to clean up as best they could.

  When Dr. Kessling was cleaning up the blood, he threw the soldier’s saddlebags at Laurie and told her to see if he had stolen anything from Grandpa Brown. She knew more about the house than the doctor did. She found several items the soldier had stolen, but there was a packet of bills at the bottom she knew didn’t belong to her grandfather. The men were too busy worrying about the bodies to be interested in the contents of the saddlebags, so she kept the money for herself.

  Not until she overheard Noah and Norman talking about bags of money found in their and Sibyl’s father’s houses did she realize the money had been part of a Union Army payroll. Had anyone from the army found the money there, the men would have been arrested and possibly shot. Too afraid to think of using it yet unable to turn it in, Laurie had hidden the money in the bottom of one of her trunks. She’d kept it hidden for five years. Only Noah’s death had made it possible for her to use it. But the question was how?

  A partnership with Jared Smith was the only practical plan she had. He was a stranger who wouldn’t think it unusual that a wealthy widow had access to so much money. Anyone who knew Noah would demand to know where she got it. If Norman found out, he would be certain she’d stolen it from her husband and insist that she give it to him. She was so nettled she flicked the whip over her horse’s head. She regretted it immediately. The road was so full of rocks and holes that the extra speed threatened to shake the buggy to pieces. She slowed the horse to a trot.

  Being allowed to learn to drive had been one of the few concessions to independence Noah had allowed.

  She couldn’t help but draw comparisons between Noah and Jared, even though there was no common ground on which they could be judged. The two men were nearly opposites in every respect.

  Noah had disliked her physical appearance and had forced her to try to disguise it. However, it had been immediately apparent that Jared Smith had not only liked her appearance, but had been strongly aroused by it. After four years of being told her appearance was an affront to Noah’s mother’s memory, Jared’s reaction was a great relief. She hadn’t chosen her body. It had been chosen for her. There was nothing she could do about it. Noah had made her feel even worse by saying her body gave her the appearance of a woman who would encourage men to harbor unsuitable thoughts. She’d spent years trying to disguise the outlines of her figure and avoiding plac
es where she would be noticed by strangers.

  She reluctantly admitted that she enjoyed knowing Jared appreciated her looks, but it was a little unsettling to know carnal thoughts sprang so readily to his mind. Even more disturbing, his interest in her had given rise to a few such thoughts in her mind. She’d never thought she was the lustful creature Noah had accused her of being. Nature had designed men and women to be attracted to each other. How else could the race be perpetuated? She would never yield to it, but it couldn’t be wrong to feel such an attraction to a man like Jared. Naomi had told her that’s how she felt about Colby. It had shocked Laurie at the time, but now she understood.

  She wondered what it would feel like to have such strong arms around her. Noah had said a lady should preserve decorum at all times. Apparently that forbade all touching. Once, she’d felt so desperate she’d asked Noah to touch her. His response made her feel like a tramp. After that, she never asked again.

  She approached a shallow crossing of the Verde River. Its waters were the lifeblood of the valley it meandered through on its way to the Salt River. Along its banks, oaks, willows, and cottonwoods commingled with a smattering of black walnut and box elder. A hundred feet downstream, a mule deer drank from the crystal clear water. Upstream, a heron stood like a statue waiting for an unwary fish to wander within its reach.

  Laurie’s horse plunged into the shallow water without hesitation. Despite a cold wind that chilled her cheeks, the desert sun’s rays burned their way into the fabric of her navy coat, making her feel too warm. Or was it the result of thinking too much about Jared Smith?

  Her horse climbed up the far bank, splashing water onto the parched soil. Despite the sun’s warmth and the river’s shallow depth, streams flowing from the Mogollon Rim kept the water cool even in summer. The youngsters loved swimming in it.

  She wondered if Jared ever swam in the river. The image that created in her mind was so vivid and unnerving she decided she wouldn’t think about him anymore—and then proceeded to do it anyway. She found him very attractive. Any woman would. He had a way of looking at her that made her feel he couldn’t see anyone else. It was evident he liked what he saw. While that made her slightly uneasy, it also excited her.

  After years of being fearful of being thought attractive, it gave her a heady feeling to have a handsome man look at her with lust in his eyes. It was even more intoxicating because she could sense a connection between them. He was a big, powerful man, thoroughly masculine, but there was a sensuality about him that was so palpable it was practically visible, so strong that leaving his house was like being released from bondage. If she were alone with him for any length of time, she wouldn’t be able to vouch for her behavior.

  That’s why she couldn’t accept his offer to cook and clean in exchange for a full partnership in his ranch.

  Now she didn’t know what to do with the money. She could use it in small amounts to take the edge off Norman’s parsimony, but that wouldn’t give her the complete independence she wanted. If she moved to Tucson or Phoenix and was very careful with her money, she had enough to survive for years, but she didn’t want to leave her family and friends. She could look for a job, but that wasn’t easy for a woman. She needed to find a new investment, but it would have to be with a stranger to keep from having to explain where she’d gotten the money. There were no other strangers in the valley she felt she could trust, no one she wanted to trust.

  She had to be careful not to let physical attraction get in the way of pragmatic thinking. This was her future. She wouldn’t get a second chance. She had plenty of time to look for another investment. Living under Norman’s thumb wouldn’t be pleasant, but it wouldn’t be forever.

  ***

  Laurie stared at the paper in her hands, unable to believe what she was seeing. It was a list of typical menus for one week and the cost of each meal.

  “I used that to determine your food allowance,” Norman was saying.

  Her allowance! He made it sound like she was a child. “There are things on this list I don’t eat, and it makes no allowance for guests.”

  “I figure you’ll eat with others as often as they eat with you.”

  “You can’t determine the cost of a meal merely from the price of the meat and vegetables on the plate. There’s butter, oil, flour, seasonings, dozens of other things that go into the preparation of a meal. And that doesn’t include soap for cleaning up.”

  “I’ll talk with Sibyl to see what extra costs she thinks are necessary.”

  “Why not talk to me! No one knows better what it will cost to feed me.”

  “Noah’s will made it quite clear that he wanted me to make these decisions for you. I can’t go against his wishes. Even if I wished to do so—and I do not—I’m legally bound to follow his instructions.”

  “I don’t believe making all decisions for my welfare extends to deciding how much salt I need, or whether I should eat chicken rather than goose.”

  “That’s what I interpret it to mean.”

  She didn’t believe that. She was certain he couldn’t resist the chance to have her completely in his power. He’d tried to do that with his own wife and had failed. Now he was trying to feed his ego by doing it to Laurie. “What if the prices go up?”

  “Bring me any bills in question, and I’ll see about making adjustments.”

  Laurie could see herself keeping every bill and adding up pennies to prove a point Norman was as likely as not to ignore. “What about the rest of my expenses?”

  “Noah left meticulous records of what it cost to run his house. Since there’s only one of you rather than two, I’ve cut that figure by half.”

  Laurie ground her teeth. If Norman had paid any attention to those meticulous records, he wouldn’t have had to make up those ridiculous menus. “The house doesn’t care if there are two or twenty people living there. It takes the same amount to keep it furnished, clean, and heated, and repairs made.”

  “Bring me any pertinent bills, and I’ll look at them.”

  That was probably all he would do. “What about the rest of my allowance?”

  “The only other major item is your clothing allowance.”

  He looked with disapproval at what she was wearing. She’d dressed more conservatively than she had the day she came to see him about the will, but she was never going back to the tent-like dresses Noah had insisted she wear.

  “I’m certain Noah would find your present outfit too revealing.”

  “This dress is no more revealing than the ones Sibyl or every other woman in this town wears.”

  “We’re not talking about other women. Noah had very definite ideas about what he thought was suitable for his wife, and it’s up to me to follow those.”

  “I’m not Noah’s wife any longer. I’m his widow.”

  “That doesn’t change anything.”

  “It changes everything.”

  “As long as it’s Noah’s money that supports you, I believe we have to follow his wishes as closely as if he were alive. According to his accounts, he provided you with a generous amount for clothing. Do you really need that much?”

  Noah had spent more than necessary on her clothes because he was never satisfied with what he could find in made-up dresses. When a seamstress came to Cactus Corner three months before his death, Noah had immediately engaged her to make clothes for Laurie. He’d been enraged when the woman refused to make the kind of dresses he required. She said if women saw Laurie parading around town in a dress that fit no better than a sack, she wouldn’t have a single customer.

  “If I’m going to wear the black or gray dresses you insist I wear for the next six months, I need extra money. I don’t own any suitable dresses.” The only positive side of Noah’s taste in clothes was that he hated to see her in black. He said with her blond hair and pale complexion, the color made her look like she was ill.

  “I’m a very busy man, but I think I can manage to find the time to help you choose your dresses.”
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  Laurie looked at Norman like he’d lost his mind. “I’m not letting you decide what I can and cannot wear.”

  “Noah did. He would expect me to do the same. He certainly wouldn’t approve of that dress as a model for mourning wear. I have half an hour this afternoon between two and two-thirty. I’ve instructed Amber to have a selection of dresses for us to view.”

  That was too much for Laurie. Something inside her exploded, making it impossible to remain in Norman’s office a moment longer. Without a word, she snatched up her hat, surged to her feet, and stalked from the room with all the dignity she could muster.

  “Come back. We’re not finished. You can’t walk out…”

  She didn’t need to hear another word to know Norman was going to be more controlling than Noah. A sense of desperation seized her. She felt crushed, suffocated, hemmed in with nowhere to turn and no one to help her. Everyone in town could agree that Norman was being unfair, could insist he was perverting Noah’s will to feed his own need for control, but no one had the power to change Norman’s mind. She was a rich woman, but she would be treated like a beggarly dependent. She wouldn’t be allowed to choose her own clothes, probably not her food, either. She might as well be living in Norman’s house for all the control she would have over her own home. She couldn’t live that way.

  The moment she appeared in the lobby, Cassie took one look at her and rose from her chair.

  “You look too upset to be alone.”

  “I’m all right. I just want to go home.”

  “I’ll go with you, but you ought to have someone stay with you until you feel better.”

  “I’ll never feel better.” Laurie moaned. “I wish I were dead.”

  Cassie grabbed her coat and caught up with Laurie just before she reached the door to the street. “That would be a great waste. You’ll make the right man a wonderful wife.”